The Big O: The Absolutely Ideal Position
If this isn't enough to convince you there's more to the missionary than just lying there, it's time you learned about CAT — Coital Alignment Technique — a variation on the missionary position that supposedly stimulates the G-spot as well as the clitoris and encourages simultaneous orgasms.
You start out in the normal missionary position but with your spouse resting his full weight on you, not on his elbows. Then he moves about two inches forward so that his pelvis is over yours. With your legs around his thighs, you press up as he moves backward so that you feel gentle but direct stimulation. The key is in the pressure and counterpressure and the rhythmic coordination of movement, a slow, gentle rocking.
"The position isn't automatic, but a small series of adjustments," says Edward Eichel, a psychotherapist who developed the technique. "You never just ride or collapse." Also, when you're both feeling close to orgasm, he explains, "you have to wait and let it come to you — no grasping for it. You have to trust it will happen."
If all these instructions are dampening your ardor, try getting the position and contact right without attempting penetration, suggests Eichel, so that the movement itself becomes a source of pleasure. "It's a shared response," says Eichel, "so ideal it's almost poetic."
Alas, so far the technique has eluded me, though not a friend. "You have to be rhythmic, controlled — and patient," she says, which probably explains why I haven't mastered it. But I am convinced it's worth practicing: In a study of 86 men and women, half of whom were trained to use CAT, Eichel found a "staggering increase" in the number of women reaching orgasm "always or often" during intercourse — 77 percent, compared with only 27 percent in the untrained group. And in a smaller study, the rise in the number of women enjoying that rare treat — the simultaneous orgasm — was even more dramatic: 50 percent succeeded, compared with 4.5 percent. (I must try harder.)
In the end, what's really important is how you feel about a sex position. "If you feel imprisoned by the missionary or feel less stimulation that way, then you won't allow yourself to enjoy it," says Dr. Zussman. In which case, no amount of adjustment, repositioning or stimulation will work.
As for the missionary being a submissive position, sex is often a reflection of what's going on in the rest of your relationship. If you're trying new things only because your husband wants to, then you're still being submissive whatever position you twist yourself into. Getting on top isn't being dominant if you're just doing what he has requested.
If you ask me, the missionary position is like Keanu Reeves. Yes, some stars may have bigger pecs or cuter butts, and I may enjoy an occasional dalliance with the odd Baldwin, but Keanu is special. And think of it this way: If you were having sex with Keanu, you'd just want to look at him, wouldn't you? You'd want to feel at your most desirable — and not have to do anything that might distract you from just lying there and enjoying it. And what better position is there for doing that?
ByRedbook
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